Recipes are Bossy: Cooking for People Who Don’t Like to Follow Directions

I wonder how much better food would taste if I followed the instructions on recipes. Probably a lot, but sadly, I’ll never know.

As it turns out I’m just too arrogant to be a good cook. And I don’t have the natural talent or formal training to back up that arrogance. For example:

Add two teaspoons of salt: I’d say that’s about 8.5 quick salt shaker shakes. I know my own wrist strength.

Slowly add in milk and chicken broth over the next 3 to 5 minutes: I’m much too busy and important for that. Dump it in!

Chop scallions: Honestly, recipe… I’m a working mom of two toddlers. You really think I remembered to buy scallions? Oh you did. Yeah, hard no.

Mix in fennel pollen: Excuse me?

This is probably why restaurant food tastes so incredible to me. They use the right ingredients, in the right amounts, and put them in at the right time. Witchcraft, witchcraft I say!

Image result for cooking gifs

Girl’s Gotta Eat

We don’t go out to restaurants much though, because toddlers. So on a daily basis we get by with my eyeballed and mangled versions of Pinterest recipes. And pizza. And dinosaur chicken nuggets.

(Side note: My truly awful voice recognition app on my phone recorded dinosaur chicken nuggets as “surgical luggage.” That makes me want to delete this app and add a $1.99 IOU onto my family budget, but also makes me want to keep the app and see what other ridiculous things it thinks I say. Decisions…)

Can I Interest You in a Hot Pocket?

We also lean heavily on the microwave nowadays. Because usually when we start making dinner it needed to have been made and eaten 15 minutes ago. And not to toot my own horn, but I can press the buttons on the microwave PRETTY well. That wasn’t always the case though. When I recently posted a funny meme about microwaves my loved ones chimed in immediately to provide 4 examples of times I nearly/definitely did start microwave fires. As #bff Kel said:

Kel Text

Becca, I’m Just Here For the Food. Get On With It.

So here we are. I don’t read directions and I have a history of starting kitchen fires. But I’ve still somehow found a few recipes that you can’t mess up that badly and that taste delicious. And if you actually follow all the instructions? These meals are probably out of this world! Check out the links below, and please send me some of your leftovers. Preferably by Thursday because I really don’t want to cook on Thursday.

Love eating but hate reading directions? Check out these meals that are really hard to mess up.

Avocado Chicken Enchiladas: There are a lot of steps, but do them in whatever order you want and it will turn out fine. It’s avocado, chicken, cheese and carbs… so it’s good.

Creamy Garlic Spaghetti Squash: I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to mess this up. I have substituted basically everything for something else and it’s still delicious.

Black Bean and Quinoa Enchilada Bake: Never have I ever rinsed quinoa.

Buffalo Chicken Casserole: I misread the instructions and thought it said “how much of the bacon that you’re supposed to put in this casserole can you eat while standing at the kitchen counter?” Surprisingly, this actually is not remotely as unhealthy as it sounds. The casserole I mean, not eating your weight in bacon. That’s not great.

Recipes for people who don't like to follow directions.

Can we talk about that sauce technique for a hot second? #OnPoint #TrueCalling

Any fool proof recipe suggestions? Please send them my way!

With lingering concerns about whether or not I’m pronouncing quinoa correctly,

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23 thoughts on “Recipes are Bossy: Cooking for People Who Don’t Like to Follow Directions

  1. I have to admit i LOVED surgical luggage, I mean dinosaur chicken nuggets when I was little! Those and those potatoes that look like smiley faces. I don’t want to try them again as an adult as I know I’ll be disappointed!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hilarious! And I completely understand! I don’t follow recipes either. I tell my husband “if you like it, enjoy it now, cuz it won’t be the same the next time I make it.”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. LOL @ your friend 😀

    Aside from my husband, who is often eager to cook to avoid food that is burned or under cooked, my slow cooker is my go-to. I haven’t screwed up anything in that. Yet.

    Like

  4. Got a good laugh this morning. Perfect way to start a Friday. I am currently trying to write up the recipes previously just in my head and it is way harder than it should be because I totally cook using the, a pinch here and a few shakes there, school of cooking.

    Like

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