The old saying goes that you can put lipstick on a pig* but it’s still going to be a pig. Fair. But you know what, pig is going to get a serious self confidence boost today with that lipstick on. Pig is going to feel totally put together even though it was a rough night in the pen. Pig is going to be excited that no one noticed she is covered in mud because her snout is on point. Pig is probably going to take a selfie in the car…
I realize that comparing myself to a pig isn’t universally accepted as a “flattering comparison.” But whatever, pigs are adorable. And that’s really not the point. It was just a means for an intro which turns out is making for a difficult transition into the meat of this post. No bacon puns intended.
As a mom of two very small people, 5 out of 10 times my hair has not been brushed when I leave the house. That’s generous, 7 out of 10. Generally even if I get dressed 30 seconds before going to work I will have some sort of food product on my pants when I get into the office. My two year old commented a few weeks ago that “Mommy’s legs are prickly.” So, I can look presentable for work or be 6 hours late to work, there is no happy medium.
Unless I wear lipstick, which nowadays is always. I’ve never been one to buy things off of Facebook. In my (no one asked for it) opinion Facebook should largely be reserved for things that make me laugh, cute pictures of babies, and YouTube videos about personal triumph against all odds. But my friend Cheryl started selling a lipstick called LipSense on Facebook and after I “Damn, Girl”ed her photos one too many times I broke all of my moral codes and bought something off of Facebook.
This isn’t a sponsored post for LipSense (I considered approaching them but my recent work on ironing didn’t exactly scream “brand synergy”). And Cheryl doesn’t know I’m writing this (because if I told her she may have said “Eh… how about you stick to writing about what you know? Do you have anything more on falling down in public?”), but I just have to give her a shout out. This stuff is amazingly pretty, surprisingly easy for a ChapStick addict to adjust to, and when I put it on I feel like Heidi Klum. Like Heidi Klum without her stylists or personal trainer. Like Heidi Klum just hiked through the desert, and hasn’t showered, and is hungry, and is annoyed that she has to empty the dishwasher. But still Heidi Klum.
The biggest bonus is that you need a blow torch** to get it off. Once LipSense is on you have committed to being a supermodel for at least 8 hours sans touch up. Which is good because a touch up isn’t happening. I can commit 34 seconds to applying you while sitting in the parking lot, lipstick. You are awarded no more time of this day.
So I guess the moral of this story is that we are aren’t giving enough credit to pigs? Or that lipstick is the reason I’m still gainfully employed? Or that sometimes you need to be a little flexible with the strict guidelines you have set for yourself regarding social media? Pretty unclear actually. All of the above?
Nerd out with me in the comments about our mutual love for this beauty product/real life Instagram filter. Or to buy it go see Cheryl. She’s good people.
With a big kiss that won’t transfer lipstick onto your cheek because this stuff is magic,
*I didn’t put any lipstick on any actual pigs. Also, as a bonus LipSense isn’t tested on animals. In solidarity with the company I will donate all of the profits*** from this post to help pigs.
** Blow torch sold separately and not actually recommended. They make a remover but I have opted for a heavy hand with a washcloth. That works too.
***There will be no profits from this post.
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