The Year of 5 Chads: A Non Love Story
February 11, 2018
February on With Love and a Little Self-Deprecation is dedicated to love. Family love, friendship love, marriage love, “that wasn’t even close to being” love – just lots and lots of love. But in a funny way, I promise. Today’s My Funny Valentine post, The Year of Chad(s): A Non Love Story. We’ve been getting too sappy up in here. Time to get super real.
Between summer 2006 and summer 2007 I dated five different guys named Chad.* In a row. This is their story. (Dun Dun)
Chad’s Got Jokes
Chad 1 kicked off the year. He was really funny. He was also the catalyst for my friends implementing a pre-date requirement of providing first and last name details of your date to at least three independent parties before going out. The night of our first date I came home late and the girls were all around a computer googling “Chad who works at IBM” in case they needed to file a missing persons report. Besides being funny, turns out Chad 1 also had a really serious girlfriend. Yikes… bye Chad 1.
Chad Had Plans with His Cat
Chad 2 never really got off the ground because he was super into his cats. #dealbreaker
Chad Had to Get Out of There Pronto
Chad 3 was very tall. He also somehow convinced me and my friends to go back to a strangers’ basement apartment to play ping pong the night we met. It worked out fine because we actually played ping pong and weren’t murdered but still, I’ve made better life choices. I turned into a Stage 5 Clinger with Chad 3 (who, to be fair to myself, should also admit to being pretty uncool at the end there) and let’s just say it didn’t work out.
The Ghost of Chad
Chad 4 knows what he did.
Actually, Chad 4 ended up being my favorite Chad. Originally I was interested in him for the sake of the story. We were on four Chads in a span of nine months and at some point you just need to commit. But he was a very nice guy and fun to hang out with until he ghosted. Poof. Vanished. If I remember correctly he ended up getting back in touch to apologize for ghosting. So props, Chad 4. I hope you’re well.
Chad Probably Flossed Regularly
Chad 5 was 90% for the story, 5% because he looked like he should be in toothpaste commercials, and 5% youthful vengeance. And I should clarify this with a big asterisk that says by “dated” I mean “danced with one Saturday night at a bar called Tequila Rain.” (RIP. Tequila Rain, not Chad 5 to my knowledge). A previous Chad was at the bar that night too and he needed to be made aware that I was totally fine Chad-less. So I found another Chad. This logic made a lot more sense at 21.
We’re all still very close friends**, so to all of my Chads out there reading – thanks for the memories, the personal growth opportunities, and the material. Mostly the material.
With renewed love and appreciation for my Glen,
*Name changed to Chad because in a cross reference of the top 100 boy names of the 1980s and my Facebook friends it was the only one that didn’t overlap. That was a pretty good use of time I’d say.
**That’s incredibly untrue.